Posted May 29, 2013 by Big Red Boots in energy shot

Body Fortress Super Energy Shot

Walking through the local King Soopers I spied a new exciting energy shot – made even more exciting by the way it embarrassed my kids too – looking like a sex toy as much as an energy shot.  Taking it to the gym was fun too, specially when the plastic peeled off and it was really just a energy-shot-infused battery-free vibrator I was drinking out of.  I know that some naive people wight look at this shape and not think it was meant for the bedroom, but pretty much anyone wit hormones would be a little giggly seeing this package without the wrapper.

fortunately,  was a pretty powerful energy-shot-infused dildo too, with a little more caffeine and energy than I was prepared for at the gym.  It is a pretty intense shot with an intense flavor and weird texture.  Just to put a stop to all the madness, The next few times it was brought to the gym it was split between my son and I, poured into normal shaped water bottles and diluted with normal water.  This helped the flavor, the texture and those WTF looks we got sucking long drinks of it out of it on the treadmill.

I will be the first to say I find the energy/protein shot that comes in a translucent vibrator is  just plain  wrong.  I thought it was cool the very first time i saw a drink come in it  – in that case it was a clearly marked TEST TUBE called Blutonium.  At least then it was in a thematic package – sold as a new chemical and coming in that shape.  But why do you a sex toy in a gym drink?  A Barbell shape, maybe. But what are they trying to say here?  I really see no point in making this energy shot in a sex toy.  I mean, people say that sex is great for a good workout, but I don’t think that is what they are trying to go for here.

The good news is they did a great job on the wrap of the tube, listing all their ingredients (including the caffeine content) very nicely and cleanly, without excess verbiage and useless information.  It is a vey high class quality job, and one which really works.

In other words, keep the design, lose the dildo.

If you were to fill a dildo up with anything, don’t tell me that one of the things that cross your mind ISN’T going to be jello.  Of Course it is going to be Jello, and that is just what they did.  Sorta.  Both flavors I tried, the orange and the berry, have the consistency of Jello that was did not quite set – like you added too much water or you messed up on the timing.  Either way, it has a very distinct thick, slightly-gelatinous, taste which is a little off-putting.

On top of that, these are about as sweet as you can get with calorie free sweetener and not feel like you just licked the insides of a chemical plant.  Neither one of the flavors I tried, the orange or the berry, were particularly bad, but I am not going so far as to say they were good either.  They were just a bit…intense.  The flavor profile is very heavy, enough so that diluting with water really helped.

I really did like the effects of Super Energy Shot – and it was used to great effect in the gym.  For the week I tried this out, the boost it provides was a little too strong, leaving me pumped and a quite a bit jittery too. I did have a great workout, but I felt a bit TOO wired.  My son tried it when he went with me and it gave him queasiness too.  I don’t know if it was just early morning, or there is something in here I am not seeing to give it that extra power or maybe it is purely psychosomatic, but I definitely felt the rush from it, and it lasted from before the workout to the late morning – a good 4 hours later.

The thing is, it is not really just the caffeine content doing this.  There is only 200mg of caffeine in here – which is not really a huge amount.  I regularly bring hydrating energy drinks with more caffeine than this to the gym and had a decent time with no lasting jitters and powerful rush.  There might be a little  extra caffeine from the green tea and yerba mate they add, but it is probably not too much.  On top of that, Super Energy Shot has Taurine, Tyrosine, and Inositol, so nothing out of the ordinary for energy shots – no Yohimbe or thermogenic stuff, just a plain-old standard energy shot mixture.

Big Red Boots