Tomato paste; MSG; Celery Root; Garlic Powder; these are the kinds of things you would expect to find in a Bloody Mary or Tomato Soup. Clam Juice? The only thing this could be is Clamato, a tomato juice sold by Motts across the US, along with Beefamato ( no – not joking around, a beef juice tomato drink). But the list goes on… Taurine, B Vitamins, Caffeine???
Now the only thing most people would think is Yerggghh!
But this is the weird thing. It’s good. I mean, reallly good! Something about how this can is just so wrong in so many ways made this my most sought after energy drink since I started reviewing them. I heard of this drink before, seeing them around years ago, and I read about them on taurinerules blog – but never got the chance before they were pulled from my shelves. I even begged Motts for an old can to try without any luck – it seems this one was discontinued. I thought I had missed my chance.
Then, the other day I went hunting for a really really strong India Pale Ale. The search took me to some very far out and surreal experiences with liquor store clerks – and also unearthed a bunch of these in the back cooler! OK, the can was made almost two years ago. But, the can was so full of MSG there was no way the drink was going to go bad. One pop of the top and I knew my quest was rewarded.
Taste:8
Imagine a rather fishy bloody mary, without the alcohol. With a seafood dish this drink would be perfect! If you crave that taste and smell of sea water, the taste of juicy crustacean, the spice and heat on your tongue like the juice of the sucked-out head of a crawdad, if the smell of the briny deep is like a breath of home, then you have found the perfect drink for you, as long as you find it somewhere. For the rest of us, it totally depends on if you like fishy bloody marys. My wife recoils in horror at the first sign of the drink. My seafood loving friends think it is great – if not a bit heavy on the preservatives. I think I might like it more because I looked so long and hard for it – but Ill stick to my guns that this is one energy drink Ill be sorry to have disappear from the annals of energy-drinkdom.
Nutrition/buzz:2 for nutrition 8 for buzz
The listing only makes things worse because of the expectation of something based on tomato juice being better for you than a typical energy drink. Nope. Things get worse. much worse.
Sweetener? High Fructose Corn Syrup. Preservative? MSG (!!!!). Sure, it only has 100 calories per can, but even without the dried clam broth this has ick ick ick all over it.
But this thing certainly has some serious get-up-and-go. I got a nice buzz from all the ingredients, even if I had to brush my teeth to get the clam breath out of my mouth.
Packaging:3
So you are tasked with coming up with a nice can for a clamato energy drink – what would you do? How about hide the Clamato logo! Or cover it with fuzzy black art and Mexican wrestlers! How about doing away with the big name and instead plaster a big ol’ E on it with some exclamation points! and just for effect, dump a big tomato illustration on the bottom in case anyone forgets the drink is tomato based. What person thought this was a good idea? I hope Dr. Pepper Schwepps found the culprit for this design and not only fired them, but called up any future employers to let them know who was responsible. No caffeine listing, barely readable, and downright stupid, This can could not be designed worse.
Ok, that being said, I love it. I love the horrible fonts, the Luchador masks, and the look like it came out of a bullfighting poster a hundred years ago. Never did I imaging you could find an energy drink this bad looking. I consider it a privilege to hold something of this low caliber in my hands.