Java Shot – hopped up hazlenut

There is the right way to make a coffee shot, filled with enough cream, sugar and notes of unique flavor, masking the bitterness of any added nutrients. Then there is Stacker 2 Java shots, a barely drinkable mess of horrid putridity, a mix of sour, bitter and burned instant coffee. This shot makes me wonder if anyone even bothered to taste this before releasing it onto the public. While I like the effects – lots of natural and lab made chemicals forcing you into supercar levels of buzz, it just is not worth the pain of having to guzzle down this revolting concoction.

Taste:1
While these bottles all had a two dollar sticker, The convenience store sold them for fifty cents, which tells me someone there decided to try to drink one. I thought it might be that these particular bottles were outdated, but no, they do not expire for quite some time. It is almost surprising how bad these things taste.
At first, you don’t believe something could actually taste so bitter and just plain wrong – but then you have the rest of the shot to try and deal with. If you are one of the unfortunate ones who have ended up with this to get you going, the only thing I could suggest to you is to just swig this as quick as possible past our tongue without tasting it, like an oyster shooter, so your tongue does not get as coated with it. Although, I would recommend having something tasty, like real coffee, to help wash it down.

The hazelnut flavor they tried to add just adds to the mix of sourness of burned instant coffee flavor they use as a base. On top of that, they don’t even bother trying to mask the energy ingredients – and enough sugar to make it extra sweet in an aspartame-like way.

Nutrition:3 Buzz:8
The reason for all that bitterness is all the great stuff they put in here to give you that powerful buzz. And while they don’t list the caffeine content, it is some powerful stuff. The yerba mate and caffeine from the coffee, plus the lab caffeine works to great effect, giving me a buzz that lasted well beyond what I expected, and kept me going for hours.

I expected a crash from this, because of the use of sugar and because they used everything under the sun to give it that caffeinated edge. I found guarana, Yerba mate, caffeine and sugar to give that boost, and usually when you overdo all that energy your body comes down hard. Not so much from this shot – where I was left with gradually coming down off the intense rush.

This also lists premium coffee along with preservatives in the ingredients listed. And by premium coffee they mean dried instant coffee powder that even the new Tasters Choice would not get near. There is also phosphoric acid, Potassium benzoate and potassium sorbate to go along with your 40 calories from the 2.5 teaspoons of sugar added to the little 2 ounces of liquid.

Packaging:6
There are a few positives to this package, but the negatives are just as glaring. I understand not listing the caffeine, as it goes beyond how much lab caffeine they added with the addition of all those other ingredients. But listing sugar in your proprietary energy blend is just dumb. Sucrose is not a special energy supplement. It just isn’t.

I do like this little bottle’s shape though, and the printing on it is decent. While I am sure this one won’t win any awards, it is decent enough. I also liked the standard cola top under their plastic – tamper-resistant plastic wrap – as it made it much easier to deal with than those little 5-hour shot caps when you want to save it for later. And after sipping this one, I definitely wanted to save it for later.

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