Posted March 7, 2012 by Big Red Boots in coffee energy drinks

Lester Fixins Coffee Soda

Let me set the record straight.  I really like Lester Fixins and the soda he makes.  I have tried Lester’s Corn Soda (yes, corn soda – it tastes like carbonated cream corn) and loved it so much I thought I needed to drink some salty butter with it.  Lester also makes a Hot Wing soda that taste just like chicken wings (spicy hot wing chicken parts – how did he do that??), a Pumpkin Pie soda and other down-home treats bottles and carbonated to a strangely yummy goodness.  Lester Fixins is a brand created by the chain of Rocket Fizz soda shops – of which there are many opening around the country.  This one was from my local Rocket Fizz – of which I have yet to ever make it out without loading my arms full of delicious candy and crazy soda pop.

That being said, you could not pick a worse coffee soda if you drug Coca Cola Blak out from it’s deserved grave.  Lester Fixins coffee soda is so bad it makes you cry a little at its sheer offensiveness.  It is so so against all that your coffee taste buds hold dear – and the fact that it is supposed to taste like coffee makes me mad as hell.  Lester, you done me way wrong on this one. I have had some bad coffee before – even Down Home coffee brewed in the middle of Oklahoma gas stations, and none of them have ever tasted like this crap before.

I get it that this is supposed to have a nice middle-america feel.  That is why the packaging is so sparse, and on the front is an old fashioned restaurant cup of coffee.  I have waited tables for many many years, and looking at the cup on front really brings me back. I must have filled thousands of these white restaurant cups pictured on the front, and all of them were filled with either Folgers or Farmers Brothers coffees – so we are not talking cream of the crop arabica beans. This pretty much summed it up for me – and I was hoping for a coffee soda that tasted like a Middle America coffee from then on.  I liked Lester’s face and that he was the Colonel Sanders of my forays into unusual soda – however a listing of caffeine content could have been nice.

The closest thing I can find to this flavor is if you mixed a fake cheap knockoff coffee candy with Sprite.  This is certainly sweet, but also sour and tangy – things coffee should never ever be.  I have never had a coffee soda that tasted so little of coffee.  Besides that – it did not even taste very good.  While I understand that the whole idea of Lester Fixins is novelty soda, there is not much novelty in coffee sodas, in that I have had quite a few.  Stick to Pumpkin Pie and Peanut Butter and Jelly sodas, but I would definitely pass this one on by.

One of the biggest offenses here is that coffee is not even an ingredient in coffee soda!  There are dozens of coffee sodas in here, but instead Lester opted for artificial coffee flavor, and then supplemented with lab caffeine!  WHY???  It would seem that for all his weird flavors, coffee would be the easiest to make – as you could just sweeten coffee and carbonate it and be done!

Instead, this is full of citric acid, fake coffee flavor, preservatives, caramel color and food starch.  There is regular cane sugar in here bringing the calorie count up to 170 for a 12 ounce bottle.  As for how much caffeine is in here, no idea – but I’ll bet it is not that much.  I am guessing there is about as much as what is in a soda; 30-40mg in the bottle.

Big Red Boots