Mamba Joose caffeinated Malt Liquor
With the time on Caffeinated Malt Liquors ticking, I thought it was about time to get to all these drinks while i had the chance. I have tried many Jooses before, including their Dragon flavor,Cranberry Red flavor, a Tropical version, and their Orange themed drink. And while most of these were not even a little tasty, I will be sorry to see this one go.
Now, a whole lot of politicians have a hard time with these drinks because of the high alcohol content. These people are usually ones who have enough money to look down on those less fortunate and sneer from their Van Gogh Double Espresso Vodka Martinis. Of course, those people are completely missing the point.These drinks all operate under the Poverty Drunkenness Scale.
The Poverty Drunkenness Scale is where you try to buy the most alcoholic drink that tastes the best for the least amount of money. So Yeti Espresso Stout fails because it costs way too much for just a 6 pack. Keystone fails because you need to drink 4 cans to get messed up. Don’t even go to the wines, as anything with a decent alcohol content will cost WAY more than the 5 bucks you scrounged up. Most hard Alcohols don’t work because drinking Popov, Kamchatka or McCormicks straight leads to projectile barfing.
This is where malt liquors come in, but it can go wrong here too. There are many 12% Malt liquors out there, but they are usually made out of ammonia and gasoline. So when you finally find a winner – something that you could actually drink and get loopy for less than a Starbucks Mocha – that is a real winner!
Joose has been remaking their image from their original Blue and Red cans – vying for more tribal tatoo designs. It works for me. There is no other word for this design than BadAss. Everything about it is straight from a tattoo/carnival, from the coloring to using Carnival Freakshow fontfaces. This is really one of the best designed cans for an energy drink, malt liquored up or no.
In terms of mechanics, the only thing this does not have is a listing of caffeine content. There is a beautiful triple facing can, so it displays the snake filled art from many angles, alcohol labels and warnings all over that this does indeed have 9.9% alcohol in it. This is definintely the coolest package Joose has come out with to date.
More importantly, this is strong enough that it should do the trick of at least making a grown adult a little more than buzzed after finishing off the 24 ounce can. In terms of energy, it is not like you are going to be drinking this to get perky or anything. Did I crash into walls and feel perky all night? No. I did not feel sleepy from it however, so I guess there is that. My guess is there was probably a cola’s amount of caffeine in here, the same as I found in all the other Jooses.
Sure, There is a very slight caffeine edge to this – but more importantly is the taurine and ginseng. taste of an energy drink that I found appealing. That, and they actually managed to make this taste decent! Not good, but certainly the most drinkable of the entire Line. I would even rank this higher than the Dragon flavor, which I liked a whole lot too.
Not that I have even a clue as to what the hell this tastes like. Definitely punch of some sort? Maybe something citrusy? No idea. But it’s good though – like a spiked Hawaiian Punch soda. I could drink a few of these in an evening and not feel like just swallowed a mouthful of Arsenic, like I have with more Caffeinated Zima Wannabes. When the politicians and overly-concerned Neo-Tipper Gores finally get these pulled from the liquor stores, This is the flavor I am going to hoard.