I love the idea of just taking a shot and you will magically lose wight, like some cool science fiction novel. However, I am sure that if this ever turned into a real product it would end up more on the shelves of Horror that Scifi. Pounds Lost is one of those products that look pretty on the outside, but are dreamed up by Stephen King (I still feel like I can hear the little bottle in my head giving me the “Thinner” curse…)
Fortunately for me, I did a little research into the product and their main ingredient, and it seems harmless enough, if not ineffective. Also, I am not giving the product the Full Treatment, as it says on their website that you are supposed to take this before every meal for 2 and a half months to see weight loss. Oh yeah – that and probably exercise or something silly like that. I just had 2 measly bottles – and after tasting the first one, there is no question I would never make it through a full 10 weeks of knocking down this evil brew of herbs, non-caloric sweetener and chemical stew. I managed to give one a try in the morning before coffee for an energy boost, and then I tried the second like they suggested, before a nice big bowl of chili for lunch the next day.
Unfortunately I did not lose any pounds at all – even though the bottle implicitly stated I would lose 19. I am just glad that the 19 pounds did not come off in sinew skin and bone, as they never actually said it was going to be pounds of fat. Hey – energy shots can be serious magic stuff, and you never know….
Starting in the ubiquitous 2 ounce 5 Hour Energy Bottle, pounds lost is a spartanly designed bottle, where even the name of the shot is obscured by the “LOSE up to 19 POUNDS. REDUCE INCHES OFF YOUR WAIST” claim covering their wrap. What does that mean?? When am I supposed to lose 19 pounds? 1 week? 9 months? Right NOW? I was left thinking that maybe drinking this will make a my guts slough off. After all, it did not say what the 19 pounds lost were made of. There is also a big berry on the top of the wrap, and all the rest of the writing is so small you will need your magnifying glass to make it out.
What I was able to make out is that they did not bother listing the caffeine – instead hiding it in the vague “as much as a premium cup of coffee” – whatever the hell that means.
Pounds Lost tastes like some awful medicinal root mixed with a chemical lab, with so much fake berry and sweet that it tries to cover the noxiousness of the ingredients – and fails pretty hard. This stuff tastes absolutely awful – made more so because you could tell they tried to do something to mask the horribleness and this is the best they could come up with. It would have been better if they just left out all the fake sugar and artificial berry and just left it tasting like the b-vitamin overload that it is.
It is pretty easy to see how drinking this before all of your meals during the day would help you lose weight The flavor it leaves in your mouth and the deed you would have before tasting anything would certainly put a damper on your appetite. So I guess from a weight loss point of view, the fact that this tastes nasty – and keeps that nastiness coating your mouth for a long time afterwards – is a very good thing (a la ClockWork Orange). I’ll bet the experience of having to take this before a bite of ice cream would pretty much stop anyone from eating for a long time.
The secret ingredient to Pounds Lost is something called Cissus quadrangularis . Pounds Lost have stated that multiple clinical studies prove the active ingredient in over-the-counter supplement, Pounds Lost Weight Loss Shot, is safe and effective for weight loss. And that’s sorta true. Cissus quadrangularis is safe – but it also has not really been tested in the scientific double blind study kind of way. According to the internets, it has been used to cure pain in rats, help grow bones faster, and used to be given for scurvy, cancer, upset stomach, hemorrhoids, peptic ulcer disease (PUD), painful menstrual periods, asthma, malaria, and pain. Good to know that even if this does not make me thinner it will help my lingering malaria and scurvy.
How does Cissus work? It looks like this stuff is a gum, and gums can be used before meals to help the food not get as digested before passing through your body. So, I guess it is like a Bulimia in a bottle! Pretty exciting stuff. I only bought the two bottles, so I can not tell you if I would ever reach that lofty 19 pounds of loss body mass.
As an energy booster pounds lost is also a fail. I’d love it if I could feel a marked difference in the energy level I had, especially since I made it through the bottle and I wanted something to show for my efforts, but either the bowl of chili was too strong a sleep inducer for it, or more likely it just got digested slowly with my food and so the effect of the energy ingredients were metered over too much time – but either way the boost to help get over the morning slump never materialized.
My guess, from the stupidly mentioned “as much caffeine as a premium coffee” statement, is that it has between 100-150mg of caffeine. I did get a decent boost from my morning dose without eating anything, so it has to have at least 100mg (about 1 cup of my “premium” workplace coffee), but it did not leave me jittering around the room (so it has under 250mg). Either way, it should probably not be used to substitute for your morning jolt of coffee – and having such a bad taste in your mouth is a crappy way to start off your morning anyways.