WARNING: THIS REVIEW OF METH COFFEE SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED BY minors, bilious baby handlers, hazelnut-flavor whores, swill consumers, anger management seminar attendees or road ragers.
Secondly, Meth coffee CONTAINS NO ACTUAL METHAMPHETAMINES, I.E., CRANK, GLASS, SPEED, CRYSTAL, BATU, SHABU, MABU, CRACKHOO, ETC. Like Blow drink mix and Cocaine Energy drink, this mini-roaster is trying to make a name for iteslf by a marketing scheme and a small gimmick – yerba mate in the roast. The extra caffeinated drink is really pretty good, although some seem to find the flavor a bit flat and sour.
If you are the type to get offended by enjoying a great, if an offensive marketing scheme, just skip the rest of the review and start the angry comments below.
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Talk about drug culture, this coffee embraces it wholeheartedly, from the Dealers and Distributors selling the stuff, to their ads and even the employee’s names. The guy behind this idea a self-styled anarchist, caffeine addict, and conspiracy theorist known only as “The Roaster”, who seems from his interviews to be enjoying his own brew a little too much. “I see the corporate ‘corner cafe’ coffee klatch scene as guilty of lulling drinkers with mediocre beans, burnt roasts, and free napkins–it’s psychotronic mind control, pure and simple,” said The Roaster. “Combining the smoothest beans with yerba mate’s animal buzz has created an intense new drug for coffee addicts who are searching for the highest quality junk.” The Roaster goes on. “Meth Coffee is a volatitherapeutic beverage, is formulated after chemical confetti and wakes zombies, fu**s with perfectionists, straightens drunks, rattles teetotalers, revs vandals in search of impetus, brightens house chores and cuts boredom like a G**D*** razor.”

Cut to “The Drinker”,the tie clad guy in their ad. “Coffee is edgy, it’s addictive. “Drugs are a metaphor for it.” He works at one of the distribution centers scattered at undisclosed locations around the city, by phone.” He goes on to say that it isn’t named Meth Coffee to glamorize the use of methamphetamines or other illegal activities. It’s just realistic. They say their aim is to shatter coffee’s cozy image, which they call “venti culture.”

I have never been around a meth user, and all of my addictions these days come from bottles, cans, or coffee pots. That is why this story on making actual Meth with coffee pots had me most curious. Rick Phillips of the Marshall County Drug Enforcement Unit says there’s definitely a risk. “The coffee makers that you find in every motel room is an ideal heat source. They mix it up in the coffee pot, put it on a heat source and let it sit there and cook,” said Phillips. It’s common knowledge to those who fight meth, but a shock to your average citizen.

What does the Drinker say to all the Critics out there?”If people can’t handle a trip on the big brown meth coffee dragon, then they shouldn’t swallow.”

Buzz/Nutrition:10
This drink will knock you on your ass. Seriously – give it 10 minutes to work on you and you will feel it. After consuming a 24oz cup I found it was actually work trying to keep my eyelids closed for more than a few seconds. Also, forget that bit about Mate helping with jitters – your legs will twitch, and I could swear I am hearing the board meeting happening down the hall with closed doors and also hear the airplanes overhead with their shiny new satellite systems trying to read my brain waves but I got them fooled now I have tinfoil over the top of my cubicle preventing any such nonsense but of course I can’t leave now or they will get me but at least my Mr. Meth Machine Coffee Pot is at home far away where I will have to come down to get more…

Seriously, This brew is definitely supercharged. Their blend of super-caffeinated coffee beans and yerba mate worked great – certainly worth the 12 bucks a 10oz bag. The coffee is all fair-trade and 99.99% Arabica beans, and their yerba mate is natural. Without getting into the Yerba Mate is Matene – not caffeine debate, Mate is supposed to have a euphoria inducing stimulant similar to those found in chocolate, as well as significant antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds.

Taste:8
The flavor of Meth Coffee’s Arabian and South American beans with yerba mate tastes great, if a little sour. I have read reviews stating this was a cardboard taste, but I was thinking it was just a little bitterness from the Mate. It does finish well, and has a nice medium finish. It is not a very rich and dark brew, although it definitely has flavor. This would compare to any fair trade coffee you could get at a local market – and could easily become a daily brew. According to their site it is fresh-roasted within 48 hours of shipment, and comes closed in a ziplock pack so it can stay fresh for a while.

Website: 8 methcoffee.com
Meth Coffee is available only on the Internet at $12 per 10-ounce bag in ground or whole beans at www.methcoffee.com/coffee. This site is fantastic. If definitely pushes the limits of the joke, completely put together with a junkie aesthetic. There are very amusing recipes, a place to buy corresponding t-shirts and hats, and some Very Funny rants. The designers of this site should feel very proud. I wish there was more on the coffee itself – the brew, the organics, where the mate came from, etc. I understand they are not pushing the health of this coffee, but just a little more of the nutrition/estimated caffeine per cup, etc.. would have been nice.

sfist review
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