You know what is wrong with kids these days, is all them energy drinks they are drinkin down, guzzlin away all their money… while good hard workin americans cant afford to put their kids though college. 2.50 for a soda pop? you know, I tried one of them thar things and I think it tasted like poop! Why cant they make one of these things cheap and taste like durn old soda , like in the good old days! And wouldn’t it be great if it weren’t one of these new blasted newfangled extreme things, with the hippety hop music and girls all shakin their stuff… No , just a good old American drink, filled with Godliness and Virtue and Patriotism! And just to make sure that those big companies don’t charge more, Ill print my cost, 9 cents, right on the can itself so they cant charge more – Guldurn it!
Now I am not making fun of the over 70 set, just because Mr. Sessions, the founder of Ol’ Glory, happens to be a septuagenarian. I am making fun of him because this can deserves it. He couldn’t have said it better himself when he quoted to an Oklahoma newspaper, “A couple of years ago, they were thinking about taking God out of the pledge, so I put it really large on the can,” Sessions said. “I figured if you don’t like the pledge, don’t buy the can.” And there in big letters is the pledge, with the words “UNDER GOD” in big uppercase letters.
Not that we Americans are the only ones who get to revel in our Americanness. He is soon to release the can in China. “The Chinese don’t want to change anything on the can, except they want the ingredients to be in Chinese,” Don said. Isn’t that because they think the can is funny? The only reason I can think of to have the Pledge of Allegiance on a Chinese energy drink is simply because this can makes a mockery of our patriotism, using our post 9 11 hysteria to create a your-with-us-or-you-are-with-the-terrorists notion that everything American is sacred, and that goes for the energy drink aisle as well.
Mexicans can not even escape Mr. Sessions brand of America, Soon to release the wonderfulness that is Gloria Viejo – printed with the pledge and more God Bless America messages, but with the Mexican flag emblazoned upon it.
Packaging:2
“The whole purpose is for the working class, so everybody can afford it,” warehouse manager Richard Norton said. “We’re selling a lot of the product and the key is the pricing.” Well, that’s obvious. there is nothing about this can which is good or right. I do believe there is a way to advertise Energy Drinks and Market with a patriotic flair – but this is not the way. Look at the commercials for the Marines, the marketing geniuses behind the US Army’s video game – those had definite style and appeal. What more really needs to be said than having a big gold star advertising the 99 cent price dropped on the image itself like the bargains you find at the checkout counter.
Taste:4
“The others have more of a medicine taste,” Norton said. “This has more of a soda pop flavor.” And it shows. This drink is sprite, only caffeinated. They worked hard to make sure that this drink was just like a pop, and did not really cost more than one for the 16oz. can. Of course, Coke tried this with Vault with varied degrees of success as well. If I want an energy pop, mountain dew will always be my choice.
Buzz/Nutrition:3
This is insulting as well – a big ol energy drink with 100mg a can? Where is the energy drink? This does have a small helping of Taurine, insotol(a chemical found in many foods and is necessary for cell function, but is also used as a cutting agent for cocaine), guarana and ginseng, But also contains 220 calories a can! Huh? I guess Americans have the right to be fat and drink high fructose corn syrup as well.
Web site:http://www.olglory.com – 4
The first thing I get hit with on the site is a big cool logo, swathed in a background of red, white, blue and stars. Great pic, but where did it come from? This is not what is on the can, and is strangely devoid from all their marketing as well Now if the can had this graphic, and lost the price sticker and slogans, then we might have something… The rest of the site is dreadful, opting to use a very simple “I just learneded dreamweaver and can design me a site” design. The reason for the 4 star rating is simply because it had the slogan “It makes you feel better all over than anywhere else” which I could not find on the can, but is a super awesome slogan.